Dear friends who I’ve lost
Dear friends who I’ve lost,
I am so grateful for the times we have shared. For the laughs we had over tart pints of ale, for the times we laid next to each other doing boring things like scrolling Instagram or napping, for the parties we dressed up in sparkly dresses and smoked too much, for the evenings we entertained awe-struck bystanders with our antics, for the essays and presentations we belly-crawled our way through to good grades, for the times we became closer through the vulnerability of tears and pain, for the late night McDonalds trips for salty French fries and chocolate milkshakes, for the long sunny days and stary-skyed nights at the cabin, for the summertime beer-pong salty sunshine celebrations, for the instagram photoshoots, for the times hiking through the blooming alpine meadows, for the cheers through my competitive powerlifting meets, for the couple double dates over lukewarm food and great company, for the hundreds and thousands of moments in time that have shaped me into who I am today.
I wish you nothing but the best in your lives. Each one of you are kind and genuine, brilliant in your own way. Unfortunately we found our paths diverging, our tight bonds ripped apart seam by seam through inconsolable conflict and hundreds of miles of distance.
I realized in many cases that I could no longer be the person you needed me to be. That sometime in the blur of nights out and catch-ups between major life changes I broke through a barrier that kept my past self limited in a specific consciousness and mindset and became someone new.
I shed my skin like a snake during the spring time and danced into the world with fresh eyes. My skills changed, my health declined, and I became more aware and vocal about what I needed. I learned about my depression and anxiety, listened to the internal voice in my womb and settled in a city meant to be impermanent.
I thank you for the times we’ve shared for they have been some of the best in my life. I am heartbroken through the act of walking away, but know there is someone better out there who can be what you’re looking for, and likewise.
Xoxo,
Hannah
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