Did we push our toxic beauty standards onto queer and trans people?
Did we push our toxic beauty standards onto queer and trans people?
We need more queer and trans body acceptance
When conservatives advocate against pronouns, they think that they are saving society. They think they are stopping more kids from getting gender-conforming surgery or taking hormones. But what they are really doing, is exactly the opposite. They’re showing queer and trans people that they will not be respected in society unless they can, at the very least, blend in by passing as the gender they are aiming to express. And that if they can’t conform, they will be subject to constant violence and a loss of basic human rights.
I came out as non-binary at 24 years old. They say the hardest part of coming out is staying out, which I have found to be 100% accurate. Upon coming out, I found myself initially buying into the narrative we often hear about queer people; that without surgery or beauty treatments we can’t feel at home in our bodies. To be seen as legitimate in our gender expression, we must conform to the norm of whatever beauty standards are placed on that specific gender. For example, trans women must engage in frequent hair removal to be seen as women. This led me to consider getting my breasts removed to feel more at home and respected for my gender identity. As I contemplated gender-conforming surgery, I reflected on my past body image struggles and major surgeries and found that getting major body modifications was not as desirable as they had initially seemed, and directly mirrored toxic narratives about women’s beauty standards.
I realized I had experienced not feeling at home in my body before, and it wasn’t because of gender dysmorphia. It was because society's beauty standards made me feel like as a woman I could not exist happily in my own body, and couldn’t accept myself despite a lack of acceptance from others. I was coerced into shaving my body hair as a young person. My mom would encourage me to get laser hair removal and shave every part of exposed hair on my body. She spent hundreds so I could get every hair follicle lasered off, only to realize this simply would not work on my body.
I wasn’t allowed to love my midsize body without wanting to be on a weight-loss diet. I dieted for years eventually and inevitably gaining a very disordered perception of food and my body image. While I did not have the ideal body according to society and did not have the ideal body that I wanted, I eventually learned to accept the body I had. Despite my chronic illnesses and imperfections, I realized that I deserved self-acceptance, no matter what my body looked like.
In 2016, I had to get major, life-changing surgery to stop my chronic illness from slowly killing me. At 17 years old I got my entire large intestine removed out of my body. It was a 6-hour surgery with a month-long recovery process. It was the hardest and most traumatic experience of my life, and I still deal with the resulting side effects to this day. I wouldn’t wish a major surgery on anybody or any body that doesn’t absolutely need it for survival.
Fast forward to considering that I should get my breasts removed. I want to feel at home and respected in the body I have, and it doesn’t look like a person of my gender identity should look according to society. I tell people my they/them pronouns but they rarely respect or remember them. Considering these obstacles to being accepted as non-binary in society in my current body, getting top surgery makes a lot of sense.
Expensive beauty standards oppress women & queer people
But I began to question this thought pattern that surgically altering my body would somehow magically make me feel at home and respected in the body I have. Why should my body need to look a certain way for people to call me the right pronouns? Why do people feel so entitled to knowing my biological sex when they are not my medical doctor? Why should I have to get intense surgery to be called the correct pronouns by people who do not respect me? Why should I have to put my body through the recovery and side effects that come with a major surgery? Why should I have to look in the mirror at my body and wish it looked different, rather than accepting the one I was given, even if it did not align with my gender expression?
I believe in body acceptance, and for me, that means even accepting a body that doesn’t necessarily affirm my gender. It means accepting that body, even when other people try to shame me for what I look like and who I am in the body that I have. It means accepting my body despite societal standards and the resulting risks and challenges that may come my way because of it. Is it fair? Perhaps not. Should everyone do this? I can only speak for myself. But I believe I am just as worthy of body acceptance as a non-binary individual as much as I believe I did as a cis woman, regardless of who disagrees with both.
I shouldn’t have had to shave when I was a woman to be perceived as a woman. Trans women should not have to spend thousands of dollars on laser hair removal to be perceived as women. I should not have had to be guilted into hating every part of my body when I identified as a woman for not being slim enough. Queer people should not have to feel the intense pressure to be ripped with abs. When I identified as a women, I did not deserve the beauty standards that were thrust upon me. And now that I am out as a non-binary person, I still believe the same thing.
The High Cost of Transitioning
The cost of transitioning, similar to the cost of following gendered beauty standards is thousands of dollars, often lining the pockets of plastic surgeons and ‘wellness’ professionals. According to Joshua Safer, the Executive Director of the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai, the cost of medical treatments for transitioning can add up to more by $100,000 USD, often not covered by insurance.
But the cost of not transitioning can be even higher. It is completely understandable why someone would want to get gender-conforming surgeries, especially in this world where violence and discrimination against queer people is alive and well. Trans people have unemployment rates up to three times higher than the general public due to workplace discrimination, and suicide rates are 40% where no medical interventions are offered. What more do we need as a sign that our obsession with gendered beauty standards is failing us as a society?
The marketing from the beauty industry pushing gender-affirming surgery is not new. They push the same beauty standards wrapped up differently, targeting and manipulating another vulnerable group of people. Achieving your feminine ideal with plastic surgery, unfortunately, is not a new narrative. Trans women should not have facial feminization surgery ($15,000-$30,000), breast implants ($5000-$15,000) or weight loss surgery ($1500-$30,000) to have a valid and respected identity as a woman. And those are only a few of the typical surgery options.
Trans and queer people deserve body acceptance, and while gender-conforming surgery decreases violence and suicide risks in queer people, it is ultimately not a solution to creating a society that truly accepts people of all genders. Gender-conforming surgeries do not address the root of the problem, rather they are a bandaid on a greater problem of a patriarchal society that will stop at nothing to dehumanize queer and trans people, and make our lives harder.
We need to advocate for queer body-positivity
While body positivity and acceptance have taken off for cis women, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done to include all body types in this movement, especially the queer and trans community who are forced to choose between life-changing and risking surgery, spending thousands of dollars on beauty treatments, or never being accepted and respected for the gender that they are.
In our current world, gender-affirming surgery is life-saving and worth supporting and advocating for. Queer and trans people should not feel guilty for partaking in the surgeries they need to survive as themselves, especially in the current climate of beauty standards and conservative, trans hate. But while the body positivity movement has made some progress for mainly cis women, the same oppressive narratives have been successfully co-opted and marketed aggressively to the queer community. It is up to us to call out the beauty standards and body hate that we are seeing for all vulnerable communities, not just cis women. Women, trans women, and gender-diverse humans all deserve the right to be accepted and respected in society no matter how well they adopt beauty standards or exemplify certain gendered traits.